MUSINGS ON BEING A CONSERV-ATIVE

Running for political office has never been a wish that I aspired to pursue. God forbid that I would consider that with all the corruption and mud-slinging that goes on, reminiscent of this election cycle. However, I feel the need to go on record, and confess that I am a compassionate conservative - a progressive sort of conservative. So let me explain…

In my opinion, a true conservative is one who is dedicated to being cautious by nature and in principle. I consider myself a fiscal conservative because I balance my check-book and only spend what is within my means. I don't live extravagantly and have no credit card debt. I don't drive fancy cars and buy over-priced items. Contrary to this country I love, I balance my budget to the glee of my wife. I believe in "paying as you go” for social programs. This concept has worked marvelously for the Illinois Tollway and I believe that once again it should be adopted as a conservative governmental standard.

I believe that if we prioritized better, those who financially suffer could get relief. I am conservatively cautious about going to war. As we know, our current war is costing the taxpayers a lot of money, and I have concerns about why we went into Iraq (not Afghanistan) in the first place. I also wonder why we are still there. Can you imagine what we could do with trillions of dollars to build our country's infrastructure and assist in helping the poor and needy? Our national debt is skyrocketing, and this liberal policy goes against the conservative ideals of balancing the budget.

Conservatism is also about protecting things like the environment. I prefer to call it "creation care." When it comes to global warming, conservatism is at a crossroads. More and more business leaders, evangelical Christians and other progressive conservatives are calling for action to reduce the risks connected to man-made climate change. Unfortunately, more reactionary conservatives continue to attack those who act to reduce emissions, and belittle those who are concerned about our planet. One would assume that environmentalism would make conservatives enthusiastic. The root of conservative and conservatism is directly related to the word conservationism. So why is it that reactionary conservatives such as Ann Coulter, Dick Cheney, James Dobson and Jonah Goldberg are the loudest voices advocating recklessness? What is conservative about “sticking up your nose” at the preponderance of mainstream scientific evidence?

As a conservative, I believe in moral integrity and family values. I don't like politicians who lie and makes it very difficult to decide who to vote for in the upcoming political election. I don't like congressmen, governors, mayors and presidents who lie about their sex lives when it affects the American public. I am also morally outraged by those who use their political power to lie, stonewall and cover-up their egregious mistakes and crimes.

If I were a progressive conservative Christian preacher, anybody could come to my church as long as they left their guns at home. I would welcome the sick, the needy, the gays, the Muslims and atheists. I would preach a Gospel based upon the principles of love, compassion, tolerance and encouragement. There would be no divisiveness in my message. In the pulpit, I would not deliver hatemongering, bigoted snippets like Reverend White, Parsley and Hagee. I would not act morally superior, but show respect for all faith traditions realizing they all share kernels of truths that bind people together. However, I would exercise my right to share truth and faith as I see it (the Gospel) and hope that others would sense the same yearning that I experience for knowing God in a more intimate way. In my church, if a young girl was pregnant, I would welcome her with open arms so that she didn't feel the need to slither away and impulsively terminate her pregnancy - that's pro-life in action.

As a progressive conservative, I feel a need to show by my behavior that I truly believe what I say. I can usually reconcile my beliefs with my experience. However, there’s a disconnect between progressive conservatives and their public voices. True conservatives are not opportunists who play to the crowd and in the process misrepresent others who are more tolerant. I am a progressive conservative who wants nothing to do with those who grandstand by smearing others who share different values, lifestyles and faith traditions. I am not driven by the fear of “rubbing elbows” with those who share a different worldview. I want to be a unifier, not a divider. I hope that this country gets back to sharing my ideal for fiscal responsibility, compassion, tolerance and unity. This is my passionate plea for America.

WHAT DO I KNOW FOR SURE ANYWAY?

The older I get, the less I seem to know for sure. It's not that I lack wisdom, but life is not a clear-cut, fixed matter, but an ever-changing, fluid experience. Each moment is new and is filled with the wonder and mystery of the unknown.

As a child, life appeared certain. I lived in a comfort zone which protected me from the reality of a world complete with ambiguity, paradox and difficult challenges. As I became older, reality uprooted the foundation of my world. I could no longer hide behind my black and white thinking that served me well as a youngster.

As an adult, I learned to embrace the insecurity that comes with the unpredictable nature of life. According to Alan Watts, holding onto security is like trying to grab water into your hands - it is elusive. Holding too tightly onto matters brings to mind "the law of reverse effort." Hanging on is more likely to make us feel out of control.

Although the very fabric of my life has been shaken, the good news is that things appear adventurous. Every day is a new journey, with excitement as I travel into the unknown. I am on a wild, crazy ride that leads me to conclude, "What do I know for sure, anyway?"

Consider this. One traveler gets on a plane with a destination for home. She is excited about seeing her family. However, the plane goes down in the Everglades of Florida and all passengers are lost. A friend of hers makes a last-minute change in her flight plans, deciding to stay in Miami for another day. She wakes up in the morning and is confronted with the horrible news. Why did she survive, while her friend did not? Some would like to provide us with the comfort of their philosophical or religious explanations. In my opinion, they are not good enough.

A child is raised in a home filled with parental abuse. As he enters into adulthood, he struggles to "find himself" and eventually ends up being a successful partner, father and businessman. His brother grows up in the same environment, and moves into adulthood lashing out at the world, blaming others for his failure to function and achieve. Is there an answer to this dilemma?

I have a disorder called fibromyalgia. Some doctors think it's "in my head." All I know is that I chronically ache all over with trigger points on muscles that hurt on contact. It is painful when my skin is touched. Does anyone know why this happens? There are clues, but no definitive answers and no clear-cut solutions to fix the problem. Women tend to suffer from it more than men. I'm not sure why that's the case and neither are the doctors.

More kids these days are suffering from autistic spectrum disorders. It appears to be a neurologically-based problem which affects children's ability to communicate and establish appropriate social relationships with age-mates. These children appear rigid and controlling in their behaviors and latch onto a topic that they perseverate about. Nutritional clues to this syndrome have not materialized as causes, so we are left with an uncertainty as to why autism occurs and why it is increasing in frequency. There are no easy answers.

Consider this. There are individuals and groups who feel that they know it all. They tend to have all the right answers, and can back their ideas up with "talking points," biblical interpretations, and personal experience. For these people, life appears easier because there are no gray areas or ambiguities in life. They boss-manage and tell others how to believe.

Individuals who always think they are right are frightening to me. Hitler claimed he was right and look what happened as evil impacted the lives of millions. David Koresh believed he was right and what a mess he made. For those who profess to be right, there are no options to their way of thinking. Just recently, I read a politically motivated article in which the author ended with, "Jesus Christ endorses this message." I believe that using religion in this way is disingenuous and blasphemous - but, what do I know?

I wish life was as simple as many make it out to be. I would feel less strife. However, it would not be authentic. It would leave me living in a bubble away from the complex realities of life. The simplicity would also take the adventure and wonder out of living with uncertainty. I do not know why certain things happen the way they do. I can live with that. After all, what do I know for sure anyway?



James P. Krehbiel is an author, freelance writer and nationally certified cognitive-behavioral therapist practicing in Scottsdale, Arizona. His personal growth book Stepping Out of the Bubble is available at www.booklocker.com. James can be reached at www.krehbielcounseling.com.

COGNITIVE-BEHAVIORAL THERAPY AND WEIGHT-LOSS

The weight-loss industry is alive and well. If one is overweight, the choices of diets, nutritional supplements, herbal remedies, exercise programs, support groups, and motivational programs are endless. If devouring a carton of ice cream doesn’t stress you out, ruminating about one’s weight-reducing options can sufficiently reduce one to tears.

If there is a quick fix to maintaining the loss of weight, I have yet to see it. There are plenty of ways to lose weight, but what about the process of keeping it off? Often people bounce around from one dietary plan to another as their weight fluctuates during their quest for the perfect plan. They may deny the reality that there is no panacea for proper weight maintenance. It is a multi-faceted process.

Often, individuals become obsessive with the weight-loss pattern. Weight-loss and weight maintenance can become a ritualistic, compulsive cycle. Charlie Whitfield, author and addictions expert calls the pattern the “repetition cycle.” Anxiety and depression mount, followed by the urge to eat, leading to self-indulgence, and ending with symptoms of self-blame and guilt. Then the cycle of abuse repeats itself. Paradoxically, those who follow an addictive quest to lose weight may actually end up sabotaging their own goals.

From childhood, we are conditioned to believe that the only way we can change is when we are coerced. Therefore, we learn to mistrust our instincts and believe that if we give ourselves enough rope, we’ll hang ourselves. Without exploring the psychological issues that may be triggering weight problems, most people will be doomed to repeat a pattern of self-defeating behavior. We must understand that we are more than the pleasure center of our brain. We are much more than the darkest side of our soul. Many may say that if I am not intolerant of my mistakes, how will I learn to motivate myself to change? However, real change only occurs when we learn to respect and value who we are with all of our faults.

Because of its value in dealing with an individuals thinking, distortions, and beliefs, cognitive therapy is the most effective therapeutic treatment for those who seek to lose and maintain weight. Cognitive therapy helps people make rational assessments of their weight, and assists people in responding with self-affirmation to their maladaptive thinking about eating and body perception. Whatever one’s demons happen to be, people need to move forward and treat themselves as if they deserve the best things to happen in their life.

Self-defeating thinking and behavior tend to perpetuate the cycle of unhealthy eating. No amount of exercise or nutritional support will address the need for individuals to learn to rationally respond to their maladaptive eating patterns. Unhealthy eaters are typically overwhelmed by self-blame. A downward spiral is set in motion by the way in which the person views himself. Unhealthy eaters will label themselves as being “fat” (whether they are or not), and will chastise themselves for not making progress in losing weight. Viewing oneself as an “overweight louse” is not an effective way of motivating oneself for change. In fact, browbeating oneself for being less than perfect only intensifies the cycle of unhealthy eating abuse. Self-blame is a form of tyranny which keeps one stuck in the midst of the problem.

Cognitive therapy teaches the unhealthy eater to quit the self-blame, realistically assess the problem, and to set practical goals for change. The therapist may say, “Does eating too much make you a horrible person? In the scheme of things, how awful was it that you ate that extra helping of cake?” Realistic appraisal follows, “what do you think you can do next time to make sure that you don’t overdo it?”

Cognitive therapists also assess body misperception. Many people who eat in an unhealthy fashion may tell others that they are fat. Labeling oneself in a negative manner is one of many cognitive distortions that hinder weight-loss progress. In many cases, the individual’s concept of their weight may be exaggerated. The therapist may say, “Does calling oneself morbidly obese change anything? Or where’s the evidence that you are as overweight as you think you are?”

Most unhealthy eaters experience thwarted anger. Rather than direct their resentment at the source of their difficulties, they self-sabotage by internalizing their anger and directing it toward themselves through unhealthy eating. They may feel frustrated by the conditional nature of a relationship, may have a family member who humiliated them about their weight, or experienced rejection through social betrayal. As confidence was stripped away, they developed a negative concept of self which fueled their unhealthy eating pattern. The self-blaming message is usually, “I guess I really am a slob, so the best I can do is to continue to prove it to myself.”

Unhealthy eaters can untwist their maladaptive thinking and meet their weight goals by:

Learning to rationally respond to negative thinking. For example, instead of saying, “I’ll never meet my weight goals, I’m just worthless,” one might say, “Just relax and be patient, Rome wasn’t built in a day.”
Identify cognitive distortions such as castastrophizing, labeling, personalizing, and black and white thinking. An example might be, “If I can’t lose 5 lbs. this week I might as well give up” (black/white thinking).
Instead of being unkind to yourself, talk to yourself the same compassionate way you would to a dear friend who is experiencing the same weight problem.
Instead of assuming your negative thoughts are accurate, examine the evidence that supports your conclusions. “If I don’t lose 15 lbs., will people really think I am hopelessly obese?”
Instead of taking full responsibility for your weight problem, you can assess the many factors that may have contributed to it and address those issues with the support of others.
Set a realistic agenda. Ask yourself, “What would it be worth to me to stop my unhealthy eating? How hard am I willing to work on a rational solution?”
Evaluate weight maintenance progress based upon the process – the effort you put in – rather than the outcome. Your efforts are within your control, but the outcome may not.
Substitute language that is less emotionally loaded. “I shouldn’t have eaten that extra helping” can be redefined as, “It would have been preferable if I hadn’t eaten more.”

Often, people will expose themselves to a diet that will dramatically assist them in losing excessive weight only to have the weight return. Instead of “quick fix” diets, setting a realistic agenda for weight-loss is a more rational, thoughtful approach. A slow, gradual loss of weight helps us to more easily adjust to the psychological ramifications of body perception change. Weight-loss goals need to be established because we prefer the change, not because others want it for us. Feeling coerced to change, or sensing that others acceptance of us is conditional upon weight-loss will lead to resentment and a feeling of helplessness in our quest to change. Instead, we must vow to learn the difference between self-indulgence and self-respect and work to put self-kindness into our everyday experience and choose our relationships based upon these positive qualities.



James P. Krehbiel, Ed.S., LPC is an author, freelance writer and nationally certified cognitive-behavioral therapist practicing in Scottsdale, Arizona. He is the author of Stepping Out of the Bubble, the story of courage and risk taken by those who seek to better their lives. James can be reached at www.krehbielcounseling.com.

HOW TO RESPOND TO TRAGEDY

Rabbi Harold Kushner, the author of When Bad Things Happen to Good People, wrote about his response to personal tragedy. His son Aaron had premature aging, and eventually died from this disease. The pain from the Rabbi’s loss provoked a crisis of faith. Kushner wrote his book for those "who have been hurt by life," to assist them in finding a faith that provides reasonable answers to aid them in coping with their suffering. Kushner explores the random nature of life and how certain spiritual explanations for tragedy left him feeling empty.

Recently, I made a trip to visit a friend who has terminal cancer. This was no easy task. I knew that it would be our last visit. I struggled over the issue of what things I wanted to explore to make sure that the time we spent together was uplifting for both of us. I was apprehensive about "saying the right things," but as I drove to her house I kept reminding myself to "just let things be the way they are." It was a time of closure and healing for both of us.

All of us are confronted with times of suffering. It is an inevitable part of the human condition. We are abused by a partner, we lose a job, we are betrayed by bandits who rob our homes, we experience the death of loved ones and we struggle with serious illness. No reasons adequately explain our hurt and disappointment. We are left with our grief.

Often, family and friends make honest attempts to respond to our trauma, but they may make matters worse through insensitive comments. In the name of God, they may make comments that leave us feeling annoyed and misunderstood - the very thing we do not need. Here are some of the unhelpful comments that I am referring to:

God will never ask more of us than we can endure.
Try not to think about it.
God is trying to teach you a lesson.
Don't let it get you down.
Everything that happens in life happens for a purpose.
God has singled you out because he recognizes your strength.
Getting upset about it doesn't do any good.
If you are not healing from your affliction, you lack faith in God.
Just remember, other people have it worse than you.

Trying to figure out why misfortune happens to us is fruitless. Some things appear to happen for no reason. As Kushner indicates, although there is ample evidence of God's handiwork among us, people are unable to accept random acts that occur within the universe. This leaves us feeling deprived of structure and security. I believe it’s not our searching for the reason for affliction that's important, it is our reaction to. This is where our faith in God becomes important. When one is "down and out" here is what you can to say to people:

Tell me how you feel about what happened?
That must feel awful.
It's not your fault that this happened.
Tell me how I can help you?
Would you like to talk more about it?
I am sorry that happened to you.
I'll keep in touch more often.
I'll pray for you and your family.
I'll be there for you.

We need to learn to be more sensitive to those who are suffering. As a partner or friend, our role is not to fix matters, but to learn to become a good listener. We must listen without trying to provide reasons and explanations that are not helpful. As I said, we must "just be there and let things be the way they are."


James P. Krehbiel, Ed.S., LPC, is an author, freelance writer and nationally certified cognitive-behavioral therapist practicing in Scottsdale, Arizona. His book, Stepping Out of the Bubble is available at www.booklocker.com. James can be reached at www.krehbielcounseling.com.

IS JESUS A REPUBLICAN?

• 
  As I ponder decisions on an everyday basis, I ask the question, “What would Jesus do under similar circumstances?” Often, it is difficult to decipher the right answer that would lead me down the path of personal piety.
  
  Recently, I had a dream which had a dramatic impact on my way of looking at the world. During the dream, God clearly conversed with me in an audible tone. I recall what He said because it startled me to the point of waking me out of a deep sleep. When I was finally more lucid, I recall Jesus saying to me – “I am a right-wing Republican, and you have been remiss in failing to follow in my footsteps!”
  
  I immediately sensed that His statement would have the affect of turning my world upside down. I got up, took a shower, had breakfast and contemplated what I should do in response to this perplexing news. Immediately my mind flashed to Pat Robertson, the preacher from The 700 Club who miraculously leg-pressed 2000lbs. If anyone could confirm the veracity of my synchronistic, spiritual experience it would Reverend Robertson. It was Pat Robertson, along with Oral Roberts, Jerry Falwell and others who had ample experience with this issue of divine intervention. So I contacted Pat Robertson to make sure that I was not delusional. Pat emailed me back providing me with confirmation that I was clearly hearing the voice of God.
  
  Trusting Pat’s wisdom regarding my pipeline to the Almighty, I realized that indeed Jesus had talked to me and was staking His claim as a bonifide right-wing Republican. My mind then aimlessly wandered to another thought. What changes was I supposed to make in response to this dramatic disclosure? In order to follow in His footsteps, what issue did I need to proclaim with evangelical fervor? Numerous ideas flooded my mind. If I was to be God’s vessel, I needed to:
  
  Dissociate myself from any vestiges of Hollywood. Burn all of my CD’s with the exception of my Bon Jovi collection.
  Renounce global warming since it is the brain-child of internet guru Albert Gore.
  No longer watch The Oprah Show.
  Practice the word abomination. Write it ten times in a sentence for a week.
  Learn to think black and white without being wishy-washy.
  Believe in my beliefs even if they contradict my experience.
  Embrace the euphemism of pro-life even though it is inconsistent with the eyes of despair and death from pre-emptive war.
  Believe that the United States is the only country that receives God’s special blessing and favor.
  Profess that the axis of evil only exists in the hearts and minds of other countries, never our own.
  Believe that some sins are worse than others, especially the Big Three.
  Renounce the concept of separation of church and state because our country was founded on Christian principles. Faith-based initiatives should receive tax breaks even if they are exclusionary.
  Keep the government out of dictating whatever people want to do even if it hurts themselves or others.
  
  As I pondered my new list of proclamations, I felt a sense of relief. All of my new “talking points” were simple and understandable. God had delivered His message. Jesus was as right-wing Republican and He had given me a new set of principles to follow. No longer a “bleeding heart liberal,” I made my way out into the community to share my new perspective.
  
  James P. Krehbiel, Ed.S. is an author, freelance writer and nationally certified cognitive-behavioral therapist practicing in Scottsdale, Arizona. His personal growth book, Stepping Out of the Bubble is available at www.amazon.com. James can be reached at www.leavingthebubble.blogspot.com. or www.krehbielcounseling.com.

ARE YOU PREACHING TO THE CHOIR?

Today I read an article by an atheist, which demonstrated more common sense, moral integrity and civility than many within the Christian community. As a Christian, are you preaching to the choir?

Recently, I have read the "talking points" from Christian writers (receiving kudos, by the way) that focus on the denial of global warming, liberal political bashing, the hating nature of God, the "abomination" of homosexuality, and the anti-God movement in the schools. Writers of a similar mentality rally around these folks and pronounce their "Amen’s."

I believe that one of the purposes of writing is to reach a wider general audience, particularly as a Christian writer. As a Christian writer, are you careful and responsible to write only information that is original to you? One can certainly maintain integrity, make a clear statement and accomplish this goal. However, I believe there is a “disconnect” between many Christian writers and the general public. They lack integrity and are preaching to the choir.

Cognitive dissonance is a term which describes the tension that results from a set of beliefs that can’t be fully reconciled with experience. My father believed that African Americans were second class citizens, and yet he treated all people with grace and respect, especially those less fortunate. The distinction between his beliefs and experience was disturbing to me.

Years ago, I befriended a senior pastor of a mega-church in the Chicago area. We went to breakfast together and I served as a needed sounding-board for him. His daughter, who was rebellious, got pregnant when she was 15 years old. He sent her away to live out of state with relatives during the pregnancy and after the delivery of the child. As far as I'm aware, apart from family members, I was the only soul that knew of this man's dilemma.

I asked him why he sent his daughter away. I found his response alarming. He said that he was embarrassed, and that he wanted to protect his daughter from the shame of the congregation! Conservative Christian "beliefs" don't always match experience – this is cognitive dissonance. Oh, we love to go on about "saving babies," but who really wants to care for them, or at least not judge the parent who has had the child out of wedlock? Christians are great in talking about prevention, but not good at teaching responsible sexual behavior and supporting those who have made life-altering mistakes. We must “walk the talk.”

I am a lucky man. This morning I walked out to my backyard. My house is nestled near the foothills of our beautiful mountains. I was disheartened as I observed the haze and smog that clouded my vision of this gorgeous site. My experience tells me that something is horribly wrong. I don't need check my beliefs or Bible to understand this fact. Nevertheless, God has asked me to be a good steward of my body as well as the planet.

Evangelical Christians all over the globe are now on board with "thinking green." Christians have a choice. They can hang on to their “beliefs” and watch the planet continue to deteriorate, or they can follow their common sense. Contrary to some Christian’s beliefs, the concept of global warming is not a liberal conspiracy trumped up by those in the Democratic Party.

Many in the Christian community are unable to reconcile their beliefs and experience as they are reluctant to identify with those who define themselves as gay. This avoidance and judgmental behavior causes many gays to reject their faith or live in a constant state of religious turmoil. A friend of mine decided to spend a weekend of solace at a religious retreat center. It was meant to be a time of isolation and reflection. However, her visit quickly took on a new meaning. Gay men from churches throughout the country flew into this retreat center. Many of them were board members, elders and pastors of their Christian congregations! No one knew of their sexual orientation with the exception of the hundreds of their Christian colleagues who met at this retreat center to worship together each year. These men got together in the freedom of their real identity and worshiped God. They talked with my friend, expressing their sense of liberation and love for the God they embraced. My friend said it was a moving experience, and she was asked to join them in their religious services, which were filled with energy and passion.

As a Christian, when is the last time that you talked to someone who professed to be gay or have you avoided this group because of your belief system? Should the neo-conservative Dick Cheney judge his daughter because she professes to be gay? Can you imagine the conflict he must feel as a father and conservative politician? One’s beliefs cannot always be reconciled with experience. This fact makes life more challenging, confusing and complex. You can’t simplify your experience no matter what you believe.

One of the “talking points” in Christian circles is family values. Many have James Dobson, from Focus on the Family, as their mouthpiece. As a Christian, do you merely believe in family values or do you really embrace them? As Christians, do you support those who have been the victim of family hurt, or do you reinforce those who believe in spirituality and family values but justify their prior experience?

Beliefs and dogma will only carry us so far. As James Fowler, author and theologian states, “faith is an unreserved opening to the truth, wherever it may be found” (paraphrased). Learning to check our beliefs against our experience is essential to a mature faith. Christians need to reevaluate their thinking and quit preaching to the choir. Many potential converts to Christianity are being turned off by the inconsistent and thoughtless manner of those who believe they are expressing the Gospel. Are you preaching to the choir?


James P. Krehbiel, Ed.S., LPC is an author, freelance writer and nationally certified cognitive-behavioral therapist in private practice in Scottsdale, Arizona. His book, Stepping Out of the Bubble is available at www.booklocker.com. James can be reached at www.krehbielcounseling.com.

What ABOUT Family Values?

The concept of "family values" has become a catch-phrase. It has been used by many politicians to promote their agenda, particularly among those who consider themselves politically conservative. However, the term has lost its meaning in the process of being politicized.

Currently, the religious right is looking intently at presidential candidates, making sure that their version of family values is embraced by specific nominees. If the politician doesn't align himself with their brand of family values, all bets are off. At this point, no candidate appears to be pleasing the religious right. So calls have gone out for a third-party prospect for president.

In order to truly understand family values, we need to isolate it from the political and religious pandering. Family values are about the support, nurturing and compassion that individual family members demonstrate toward one another. We see it every day in its simplicity.

Family values starts with partners who cherish each other and are committed to their mate’s spiritual and psychological well-being. These are couples who respect, value and trust each other implicitly. A partner does not need to perform to get a sense of approval from their loved one.

If children are involved, these couples develop a consensus on how their children are to be raised. They establish clear, understandable rules which are reasonable. They are extremely connected to their children and share their life through play, instruction, discipline and involvement in their children's activities. Couples cherish every moment with the kids because they realize that someday their children will pull away and move on. Good parents don't resent this detachment, but view it as a form of self-determination. It is a “feather in their cap.”

Even after children have transitioned to adulthood, we stay connected and open to providing support. If we are fortunate enough to have grandchildren, we relish the opportunity to welcome them to the family nest. We support our children in their parenting and look forward to the time when our grandchildren spend time with us under our support and care. We consider it a blessing to have another opportunity to love and cherish our little ones.

The most important value we can teach our family is civility. Civility is learned behavior in which we treat others with kindness and respect. We take special care to treat those less fortunate than us with compassion and support. We seek to understand those who share different perspectives and in a non-evaluative manner explore those distinctions.

Family unity is not a political or religious concept but rather a primal instinct. In all cultures, there is a natural desire to protect and nurture one’s flock. There's nothing new about family values. In our global community, taking care of those we love is all the more important. By compassionate family companionship, we are able to shelter our family from the alienation that is characteristic of today's society.


James P. Krehbiel, Ed.S., LPC, CCBT is an author, freelance writer and cognitive-behavioral therapist practicing in Scottsdale, Arizona. His personal growth book, Stepping Out of the Bubble is available at www.booklocker.com. James can be reached at www.krehbielcounseling.com.