OUR COSMETIC CULTURE

Much of what we see in the media is cosmetic. Youth is personified and glorified. The use of steroid enhancing drugs to foster the “culture of youth” is widely role-modeled and promoted. Have you been to a high school activity lately? Can you separate many of the mothers from their daughters in terms of the “baby-doll clothes?” Cosmetic surgery has become more of a necessity, rather than an option. Recently, I was doing some marketing for my business. I went to a plastic surgeon’s office locate nearby my practice location. As the office manager approached me, I sensed that she had undergone facial surgery. Why is it that many of us have a hunch that an individual has had facial reconstruction surgery? I am told that it is not unusual for administrative staffs that work in reconstructive surgeon’s offices to have undergone the process for themselves. I guess they serve as a role model for their patients who are considering a surgical procedure.

I identified myself to the office staff member and responded with, “I am sure that there are times when you have potential clients who experience body misperception problems, who do not need surgery, and I am her to tell you that I can help them. She looked at me as if I had “ten heads.” She was clueless as to what I was trying to say regarding the emotional implications of body misperception during the screening for potential patients. I thanked her for her time and then departed. I am told that it is no longer unusual for teenage girls, in lieu of receiving new clothes, money or other gifts, to receive breast reconstruction surgery for their birthday!

Often, the media perpetuates this cosmetic image. Some of my friends have a son who has been a correspondent in Afghanistan. He has indicated on numerous occasions that the “fair and balanced” news reporting that we receive from various resources in the United States about the current war on terror is distorted. However, many people are not interested in quality journalism. They naively accept a spin on a story that will keep them awake. They are content with a story that will hold their attention through the use of sensationalism.

Often, people have an aversion to the truth about current political events. There are many Americans who still do not see the magnitude of the brutal treatment of prisoners during our current war on terrorism. We may justify or minimize our government’s mistakes. Many people don’t want to believe that there is a dark side to our institution of government. It’s too painful to ask the difficult questions such as, “Could this brutality of detainees by a systemic problem within our government?” One of the ways of avoiding reality is to exalt a person, situation, or institution.

How many flag-draped coffins have we seen coming home from Iraq? How many stories of maimed or emotionally traumatized soldiers have been covered? People and institutions tend to compartmentalize difficult and painful realities as a way of coping. Keeping things guarded protects the public from experiencing the full impact of events. By making war appear sanitized, people lose a sense of the magnitude of horrific events. With that in mind, how do we get people to “step out of the bubble” and begin viewing life as it really is? Much of our culture is cosmetic in nature because “appearances” are more important than the truth. We shun the harsh realities of life which keep us functioning in “shallow waters.” I believe that it is important to observe life the way it really is and face the emotional impact that comes with that awareness. Then we really have our eyes wide open.

James P. Krehbiel, Ed.S., LPC, CCBT is an author, freelance writer and cognitive-behavioral therapist practicing in Scottsdale, Arizona. He recently released Stepping Out of the Bubble available through http://www.amazon.com/. Now you can "ask James" through his interactive forum at www.parentstation.com.

"SAVING FACE" WITH MY WIFE'S SURPRISE

My wife decided to plan a brief weekend get-away for our anniversary. We decided to stay in a beautiful resort which was nestled in the foothills of West Tucson. It was the kind of resort where every time you turned around someone for the hotel would respond with “Is there anything I can get you?”

Since were staying in a “spa-like” resort, my wife decided to surprise me with a very unique gift. Mind you, when my wife says she has a surprise for me, I get very worried – this time was no exception. Andrea decided to contact the hotel spa in advance and arrange for me to be treated to a facial.

A knew that women have these facials all the time, but I wasn’t quite sure what the process was like. My first thought was, “Here it is our 16th wedding anniversary and after all this time my wife has concluded that she dislikes the way I look. Aging has taken its toll, but I wasn’t sure about the need for this surprise! After all, isn’t it true that women are the one’s who are supposed to look good for their men?

During our anniversary stay, I began asking my wife about what I was in for with this “facial.” I felt like I was moving into the unknown and needed some reassurance. Would it be like a massage? Would there be weird music playing and incense burning? Who would be doing this to me and what plan of action would this facial take? Would she put mud on my face? How about cucumbers on my eyes? It all seemed rather scary. My wife sensed my humorous apprehension.

I decided that I needed to do what I tell my patients to do – take those deep breaths and let it all out. I was afraid that other men would see me enter the spa, so I decided to have my wife escort me to the spa center. You would have thought I was preparing for emergency surgery. While Andrea waited in the spa center, I was escorted by a gentleman to a locker room where I prepared for my adventure by putting on a robe and a pair of flip-flops. The gentleman then brought me some green tea as I waited for the arrival of the “facial masseuse.” A delightful, charming young lady came to the door and said, “Are you Mr. Krehbiel?” Nobody’s called me Mr. Krehbiel since my teaching days and very few people ever pronounce my name accurately. She had my interest. She was the master healer. The goddess of facials!

We walked down the hallway to a tiny room. I lay down on a massage table and waited for her to enter. The rest of the experience is rather foggy. I do remember that she put all kinds of creams and oils on my face, as well as my feet and hands. I recall that the room was steamy. She had the weird music playing. She talked calmly in a soothing voice. I was mesmerized. She moisturized my feet and hands and then placed them in plastic bags. They were left that way until the end of the facial.

When I left, my wife saw my new face - a softer, gentler, glowing looking me. Even though I don’t remember each step of the procedure, I know it involved creams, oils, steam and wraps for my hands and feet.

I told my wife to never tell anyone about my spa experience. But she had already told her best friends. Now I have to live with any impact on my reputation. Now I have to face them with my soft, smooth, glowing, younger looking skin. Pity me!



James P Krehbiel, Ed.S., LPC, CCBT is an author, freelance writer, and a cognitive-behavioral therapist practicing in Scottsdale, Arizona. He recently released Stepping Out of the Bubble available at www.amazon.com. He can be reached at (480) 664-6665 or his website at www.krehbielcounsling.com.

THE BASIS OF OUR BELIEFS

Many people’s belief system is a by-product of a foundation of poor parenting. If an individual has been exposed to ineffective parenting, a religious belief system may be based upon deficiencies in psychological development. Some people believe in a “tyrant God,” one who spreads gloom and doom. These individuals will talk incessantly about how they disappointed God, how they may have lost their salvation, and the guilt feelings that they experience. They live with the fear that God is mad at them. Until one deals with problems related to psychological development, one’s vision of religion and faith will be distorted. Often, people look out the lenses of their depression, anxiety, and fear and make faulty interpretations about the nature of spiritual reality.

However, along with the courage and risk of undertaking spiritual and psychological change comes a certain period of disorientation. But if we can tolerate the groan zone, we may move into a newer, fuller, richer place within. It is a place where we feel grounded, at peace with ourselves. There is a sense of humility than emanates from us as we view the world with wonder. We may sense that a Higher Power is working on our behalf. We are not afraid of those who disagree with us. We are also not afraid to look at a variety of spiritual and ethical dilemmas from different perspectives.

For example, if you are a pro-life advocate, can you build an argument to support the right to pro-choice? Some would suggest this way of thinking is sacrilegious. On the contrary, I believe that it is the only way to solidify what beliefs are really true for us. One must think in a flexible, multidimensional manner in order to develop a strong conviction on any issue. A good debater or an excellent attorney always gathers information regarding an opponent’s strongest argument. This in turn makes a case more compelling.

Spiritual growth and development calls for a change in our way of viewing God and spiritual reality. Those who embrace faith have an unreserved openness to the truth wherever they may find it. They are not afraid of doubt or new ways of navigating their spiritual journey. In fact, they view the process of doubting and changing as an integral part of their quest to find God and the truths surrounding Him.


James P. Krehbiel, Ed.S., LPC is an author, freelance writer, and cognitive-behavioral therapist practicing in Scottsdale, Arizona. He recently released Stepping Out of the Bubble available at http://www.booklocker.com/books/2242.html. James can be reached through his website at www.krehbielcounseling.com.