ARE YOU PREACHING TO THE CHOIR?

Today I read an article by an atheist, which demonstrated more common sense, moral integrity and civility than many within the Christian community. As a Christian, are you preaching to the choir?

Recently, I have read the "talking points" from Christian writers (receiving kudos, by the way) that focus on the denial of global warming, liberal political bashing, the hating nature of God, the "abomination" of homosexuality, and the anti-God movement in the schools. Writers of a similar mentality rally around these folks and pronounce their "Amen’s."

I believe that one of the purposes of writing is to reach a wider general audience, particularly as a Christian writer. As a Christian writer, are you careful and responsible to write only information that is original to you? One can certainly maintain integrity, make a clear statement and accomplish this goal. However, I believe there is a “disconnect” between many Christian writers and the general public. They lack integrity and are preaching to the choir.

Cognitive dissonance is a term which describes the tension that results from a set of beliefs that can’t be fully reconciled with experience. My father believed that African Americans were second class citizens, and yet he treated all people with grace and respect, especially those less fortunate. The distinction between his beliefs and experience was disturbing to me.

Years ago, I befriended a senior pastor of a mega-church in the Chicago area. We went to breakfast together and I served as a needed sounding-board for him. His daughter, who was rebellious, got pregnant when she was 15 years old. He sent her away to live out of state with relatives during the pregnancy and after the delivery of the child. As far as I'm aware, apart from family members, I was the only soul that knew of this man's dilemma.

I asked him why he sent his daughter away. I found his response alarming. He said that he was embarrassed, and that he wanted to protect his daughter from the shame of the congregation! Conservative Christian "beliefs" don't always match experience – this is cognitive dissonance. Oh, we love to go on about "saving babies," but who really wants to care for them, or at least not judge the parent who has had the child out of wedlock? Christians are great in talking about prevention, but not good at teaching responsible sexual behavior and supporting those who have made life-altering mistakes. We must “walk the talk.”

I am a lucky man. This morning I walked out to my backyard. My house is nestled near the foothills of our beautiful mountains. I was disheartened as I observed the haze and smog that clouded my vision of this gorgeous site. My experience tells me that something is horribly wrong. I don't need check my beliefs or Bible to understand this fact. Nevertheless, God has asked me to be a good steward of my body as well as the planet.

Evangelical Christians all over the globe are now on board with "thinking green." Christians have a choice. They can hang on to their “beliefs” and watch the planet continue to deteriorate, or they can follow their common sense. Contrary to some Christian’s beliefs, the concept of global warming is not a liberal conspiracy trumped up by those in the Democratic Party.

Many in the Christian community are unable to reconcile their beliefs and experience as they are reluctant to identify with those who define themselves as gay. This avoidance and judgmental behavior causes many gays to reject their faith or live in a constant state of religious turmoil. A friend of mine decided to spend a weekend of solace at a religious retreat center. It was meant to be a time of isolation and reflection. However, her visit quickly took on a new meaning. Gay men from churches throughout the country flew into this retreat center. Many of them were board members, elders and pastors of their Christian congregations! No one knew of their sexual orientation with the exception of the hundreds of their Christian colleagues who met at this retreat center to worship together each year. These men got together in the freedom of their real identity and worshiped God. They talked with my friend, expressing their sense of liberation and love for the God they embraced. My friend said it was a moving experience, and she was asked to join them in their religious services, which were filled with energy and passion.

As a Christian, when is the last time that you talked to someone who professed to be gay or have you avoided this group because of your belief system? Should the neo-conservative Dick Cheney judge his daughter because she professes to be gay? Can you imagine the conflict he must feel as a father and conservative politician? One’s beliefs cannot always be reconciled with experience. This fact makes life more challenging, confusing and complex. You can’t simplify your experience no matter what you believe.

One of the “talking points” in Christian circles is family values. Many have James Dobson, from Focus on the Family, as their mouthpiece. As a Christian, do you merely believe in family values or do you really embrace them? As Christians, do you support those who have been the victim of family hurt, or do you reinforce those who believe in spirituality and family values but justify their prior experience?

Beliefs and dogma will only carry us so far. As James Fowler, author and theologian states, “faith is an unreserved opening to the truth, wherever it may be found” (paraphrased). Learning to check our beliefs against our experience is essential to a mature faith. Christians need to reevaluate their thinking and quit preaching to the choir. Many potential converts to Christianity are being turned off by the inconsistent and thoughtless manner of those who believe they are expressing the Gospel. Are you preaching to the choir?


James P. Krehbiel, Ed.S., LPC is an author, freelance writer and nationally certified cognitive-behavioral therapist in private practice in Scottsdale, Arizona. His book, Stepping Out of the Bubble is available at www.booklocker.com. James can be reached at www.krehbielcounseling.com.

What ABOUT Family Values?

The concept of "family values" has become a catch-phrase. It has been used by many politicians to promote their agenda, particularly among those who consider themselves politically conservative. However, the term has lost its meaning in the process of being politicized.

Currently, the religious right is looking intently at presidential candidates, making sure that their version of family values is embraced by specific nominees. If the politician doesn't align himself with their brand of family values, all bets are off. At this point, no candidate appears to be pleasing the religious right. So calls have gone out for a third-party prospect for president.

In order to truly understand family values, we need to isolate it from the political and religious pandering. Family values are about the support, nurturing and compassion that individual family members demonstrate toward one another. We see it every day in its simplicity.

Family values starts with partners who cherish each other and are committed to their mate’s spiritual and psychological well-being. These are couples who respect, value and trust each other implicitly. A partner does not need to perform to get a sense of approval from their loved one.

If children are involved, these couples develop a consensus on how their children are to be raised. They establish clear, understandable rules which are reasonable. They are extremely connected to their children and share their life through play, instruction, discipline and involvement in their children's activities. Couples cherish every moment with the kids because they realize that someday their children will pull away and move on. Good parents don't resent this detachment, but view it as a form of self-determination. It is a “feather in their cap.”

Even after children have transitioned to adulthood, we stay connected and open to providing support. If we are fortunate enough to have grandchildren, we relish the opportunity to welcome them to the family nest. We support our children in their parenting and look forward to the time when our grandchildren spend time with us under our support and care. We consider it a blessing to have another opportunity to love and cherish our little ones.

The most important value we can teach our family is civility. Civility is learned behavior in which we treat others with kindness and respect. We take special care to treat those less fortunate than us with compassion and support. We seek to understand those who share different perspectives and in a non-evaluative manner explore those distinctions.

Family unity is not a political or religious concept but rather a primal instinct. In all cultures, there is a natural desire to protect and nurture one’s flock. There's nothing new about family values. In our global community, taking care of those we love is all the more important. By compassionate family companionship, we are able to shelter our family from the alienation that is characteristic of today's society.


James P. Krehbiel, Ed.S., LPC, CCBT is an author, freelance writer and cognitive-behavioral therapist practicing in Scottsdale, Arizona. His personal growth book, Stepping Out of the Bubble is available at www.booklocker.com. James can be reached at www.krehbielcounseling.com.