The Fugitive Game: Coming to a Town Near You

{Recently, a newspaper columnist asked me to weigh in on a new teenage version of tag, called fugitive. I provided her with some insights. Upon further reflection, I have penned this parody, an intentional mockery of this game].



It started as a West Coast phenomenon. It caught on, and now the excitement and anticipation is electric as an updated version of the game “tag” is sweeping the country. Who could have foreseen that a simple game played out by generations of Americans would make a stunning comeback?

The fugitive game is not for the weak-at-heart. This is the personification of extreme tag, created by and for upperclassmen in today's high schools. Some of our most distinguished high school students put their heads together and developed a novel, proactive sport’s activity. The concept is rather complex. A group of kids meet at a central area, such as a neighborhood parking lot. For starters, some teenagers run from the area while other players chase the runners in cars or on foot. The fugitives get a head start, while the chasers pursue them until they are caught. Here's where the rules become tricky. Task completion must be accomplished without cheating, such as avoiding the use of interstate highways, and gamers must be back to their destination within 45 minutes. Creativity is built into this innovative version of tag, because fugitives can trespass into neighbor's backyards, hiding in bushes to camouflage themselves from the chasers. If a neighbor calls the police department, fugitives must figure out how to duck the consequences.

Licensed teenage drivers, using only insured vehicles, typically have someone riding shotgun ready to jump out of the car and tag the runner or call out his/her name when identified. Unfortunately, once the fugitive is caught, she must get into the car until the game is completed. The game is played with the utmost in caution, avoiding potential risks of automobile collisions, running into the innocent bystanders, and tearing up people's personal property. Regardless of any risky twists and turns, the game must continue to completion even if the police are called by neighborhood residents, who feel their rights have been violated,

Communities are just beginning to weigh in on the virtues and liabilities of the fugitive game. Most parents wholeheartedly support their teenager’s new effort to put play into their lives. One insightful parent said, "Hey, it may be a little risky, but it sure beats having my kid hooked on cocaine or dropping out of school." Another community member said, "Even if a 911 call goes out on my son, I'd prefer having him outside the house hanging out rather than sitting in the house playing video games."

Student groups participating in the fugitive game are tickled about their new, exciting venture. Many have described the results as similar to a rush experienced during a bout of self-medicating on marijuana or alcohol. The biggest enticement that increases the games enjoyment is inciting the police or irate neighbors into playing the game with them.

Community mental health providers view this game as a rite of passage for our teens. One psychologist noted, "It provides our kids with an opportunity to take out their frustrations by pushing back against authority figures; testing the limits to the max is their way of navigating adulthood - it's a healing process."

The fugitive game, founded by today's teenagers, is the trendy tag of the future. It's coming to a town near you. It is creative, complex, filled with risks and adventure as a wholesome outdoor sport. Before your child hits the streets to play fugitive, make sure you have that parent/child talk to promote understanding about a new, fascinating way to play an old favorite that has entertained young people for decades.



James P. Krehbiel, Ed.S., LPC is an author, freelance writer, licensed professional counselor and nationally certified cognitive-behavioral therapist practicing in Scottsdale, Arizona. He specializes in working with children and adults who experience anxiety, depression, grief and pain management issues. His latest book, Troubled Childhood, Triumphant Life: Healing from the Battle Scars of Youth (New Horizon Press) is now available through Barnes and Noble and Amazon.com. James can be reached at www.scottsdaletherapy.net.

Troubled Childhoods Can Be Riddled With Addiction

According to James P. Krehbiel, many children are raised in families where the effect of alcohol abuse is rampant. At night, kids may wait anxiously for a parent who comes home after stopping at the local bar and drinking too much. For these children, nervous anticipation, sadness and disappointment are an every day reality - they live in a secret bubble of shame.

The chronic nature of addiction takes its toll as kids develop coping strategies to deal with the impact of alcohol abuse. Children do the best they can, but develop unhealthy ways of reacting to a parent who drinks excessively. These problematic patterns leave children susceptible to long-term emotional damage, particularly in relationships.

Some of the toxic characteristics of an adult/child of an alcoholic are:

• Mistrust
• Avoidance of conflict
• Performing to please
• Excessive caretaking of others
• Fear of abandonment
• Emotional detachment
• Anticipating the worst
• Being overly-critical towards self and others

These destructive qualities are internalized and carried around as adult baggage. They are easily activated in adulthood in response to relationship issues. Adults who have experienced a troubled childhood can find hope, healing and a triumphant life by processing the pain of their past. This worked can be accomplished through recognition, grieving, releasing and letting go, and creating new, more rational ways of responding to problems and people. Krehbiel's new book, Troubled Childhood, Triumpant Life: Healing from the Battle Scars of Youth provides solution-focused strategies for adults in their searches to leave their perilous past behind in pursuit of a brighter future.

Cognitive Therapy and Sleeplessness

It appears that "as the world turns" many are having a difficult time falling asleep and/or staying asleep. Our fast-paced lifestyle can leave one feeling fatigued, apathetic and restless as a result of a cycle of sleep deprivation. Some turn to sleep medications as a way of rectifying the problem of insomnia. Others look for naturopathic remedies to provide respite from a sleepless night.

Certain chronic insomniac conditions that result from pain-related problems may warrant the use of sedating medications. Other cases, however, may respond to various non-medicinal treatments, including the use of cognitive-behavioral therapy.

Cognitive-behavioral therapy is at the forefront of treatment for various disorders, including depression, anxiety, pain management issues and insomnia. Insomnia may be caused by life stressors, physical illness, emotional discomfort, environmental factors, self-medicating or disruption in one's sleep pattern due to work-shift changes or jet lag.

CBT seeks to work with insomniacs through their thought processes, ways of viewing the world and underlying beliefs about sleep. Many adults become anxious about their lack of sleep. They may ruminate about the horrible things that they believe will happen to them if they fail to promptly fall asleep. I often tell patients, "Where is the evidence that not sleeping tonight will cause you undue harm? What's the worst thing that will happen?" Frequently, it is the anxiousness about not sleeping that sets up a self-defeating dynamic of frustration and restlessness.

CBT uses paradoxical intervention strategies for dealing with sleeplessness. I recommend that patients who experience insomnia stay awake as long as possible prior to going to bed. Individuals should be sufficiently fatigued and drowsy before lying down. The bed should always be used for sleep purposes and never used for reading, relaxing or ruminating. If the patient's sleep is interrupted, the sufferer should get out of bed and read, watch television, until sufficiently tired enough to resume sleep.

Often, people do not realize that the human body will automatically self-regulate. If one only gets three hours of sleep on a given night, the body will automatically compensate, eventually providing appropriate rest. It is the fear of not sleeping that sets up a negative dynamic for the insomniac. Individuals may set up a self-defeating cycle by remaining in bed as they ruminate about sleeplessness. Ironically, this process only compounds the problem by leading to further restlessness.

Learning to relax the body and mind is important to getting quality sleep. Learning mindfulness meditation helps the insomniac to calm the sympathetic nervous system, setting the stage for restful sleep.

What people do with their time prior to going to sleep is important. Playing stimulating music, working at the computer and using alcohol will negatively affect one's ability to sleep. Learning to let go of work-related stressors is imperative. Individuals who are "pusher-drivers" are more likely to carry their workday into the night.

Patients, who experience insomnia, generally suffer from the following self-defeating thoughts and assumptions:

• "If I don't sleep, something awful will happen to me."
• "I must sleep or else I won't be able to function anymore."
• "I'm afraid to go to sleep because something might happen to me."
• "If I don't fall asleep promptly, there must be a problem."
• "I have so much work to do that I don't have time to sleep."
• "I must stay in bed until I fall asleep."
• "Worrying about things helps me to control my life."
• "I must complete everything on my list, especially work tasks."
• "Being alone at night is a scary thing."

Assisting patients to reframe negative thinking is essential to treatment for insomnia. Anticipatory anxiety in the form of negative self-statements must be replaced with more adaptive ways of thinking about sleep. By employing strategies that emphasize the “reverse-effort” of not trying to fall asleep, patients learn to relax their bodies through passive volition and secure needed rest.

Media Generates Renewed Interest in Troubled Childhoods

There is a groundswell of renewed interest in the impact of troubled childhoods. The movie Blind-Side, starring Sandra Bullock, portrays a strong-willed mother whose care, compassion and involvement affects the life of a homeless, athletic teen. Precious provides us with a snapshot of the horrors of parental abuse perpetrated on battle scarred youth. Now, Todd Bridges, actor of Different Strokes has opened up about his perilous past in a new autobiography, Killing Willis.

These narratives, launched through the media, underscore the need to help today's adults and children find ways to say goodbye to troubled childhoods in search for a brighter future. Respected author and psychotherapist, James P. Krehbiel lays the groundwork for renewed hope in his book, Troubled Childhood, Triumphant Life: Healing from the Battle Scars of Youth (New Horizon Press). He offers goals for assisting adult readers in untwisting their horrific histories and finding answers for productive living in the here-and-now. After each chapter, the reader is provided with workbook-like helps with chapter reflections and strategies for changing negative thinking and behavior.

Troubled Childhood, Triumphant Life comes at a time when many in the media are re-focusing attention on the vulnerabilities of high profile adults. These celebrities’ real-life experiences are metaphors for many adults whose current problems have been activated by unmet needs during childhood. Krehbiel's work, Troubled Childhood, Triumphant Life provides hope and healing for adults struggling with the obstacles fueled from a troubled past.

Creating Civility in an Uncivil World

The late psychotherapist Sheldon B. Kopp said, "No one is any stronger or weaker than anyone else." This profound statement is a call to civility. It means that we should never attempt to elevate ourselves while trying to diminish others who we believe are more vulnerable. Our society is riddled with examples of ways in which those who assume power try to demean those who can't defend themselves.

This unfortunate fact calls to mind a recent tea party rally in which a gentleman with Parkinson's disorder was bullied by an event advocate. The perpetrator chose to hide behind his ideology and mob/group mentality to make his point to a defenseless person. He later apologized for his hostile, embarrassing behavior.

Without a call to civility, we will continue to groom homegrown terrorists whose thinking and belief systems are filtered through the prism of anger and radical ideology. The "axis of evil," (via George W. Bush), is not merely within the jihadist movement, but in the hearts and minds of all those who would prey upon others using power and control to intimidate those who share different values, behaviors or lifestyle.

We have lost our way. Rather than civil discourse and promoting understanding with those holding polar perspectives, we have embarked on a course to inflame our differences and have launched a campaign to use inflammatory rhetoric and bullying behavior to muzzle those with whom we disagree. We often justify our distasteful behavior in the name of religion, politics and personal piety.

Civility begins in the home and in the institutions of our society. We must teach our children to respect and value those who are religiously and ethnically different and embrace those who have special needs or are less fortunate. I believe that civility should be the most important value we impart to our children.

Education is of little value if, in the midst of the learning environment, children are being taunted by their peers, and with resignation lose the will to live. This pattern is currently happening within our schools. It was psychologist Arthur Combs who said, "Perhaps the most important single cause of a person's success or failure educationally has to do with the question of what a person believes about himself." Without civility training at home or in our schools, our children will enter adulthood educated "from the neck up" as people who find it convenient to prey on others who share a different world-view.

We know that our children role-model what they see in the behavior of their parents. If our kids have been exposed to opinionated, hostile caretakers who disrespect the rights of others, they will follow suit. If parents teach their children to respect and embrace all people, regardless of their orientation and lifestyle, we will observe the power of civility at work in creating harmony and peace.

Right now, I believe we live in a country that hasn't been this divided since the Civil War. We will either find common ground, or further polarize our positions by using inflammatory, hateful rhetoric and behavior to intimidate our supposed "enemies."

The foundations and institutions upon which our country is rooted are being weakened due to a lack of civility. Even our religious institutions have not been spared; witness the devastating effect of child abuse within the Catholic Church and radical religious organizations demonizing others over issues such as abortion and gun rights. Religion is often used to justify our most uncivil instincts within our families and institutions.

Civility involves the promotion of multidimensional thinking. We must learn to explore issues in a non-evaluative manner and learn to assess the merits of a point of view from various perspectives. For example, if we are "pro-life," it is important that we can see the world through the lenses of those who are not in order to create civil discourse and learn to live with integrity in our position. Civility means that we are able to suspend our position as we seek to find the truth wherever it may be found. For truth-seekers, there is no preconceived notion about how the world works.

Those who embrace civility understand their own humanity, filled with frailty and weakness. They are able to connect with others who are vulnerable in their own way. To act in a civil manner, they choose not to control or change people, but to accept them without qualification, regardless of one's differences.

As M. Scott Peck explored in his book, A Different Drum, we need to refashion our culture based upon a sense of community. Community-building is an outgrowth of a pattern of creating and implementing programs based on civility. If we continue on our current course of inflaming our ideological and religious passions and distinctions, we will weaken our personal and institutional connections. Only through the process of promoting civility, will our society regain a sense of inter-relatedness and global harmony.

Author James P. Krehbiel Reflects on his New Book - Troubled Childhood, Triumphant Life

When I was a kid, my parents would tell me stories about Uncle Eddie who always wanted to be a writer. According to my mom, Eddie had created a manuscript and he would talk endlessly about its potential and his desire to get it published. However, my dad said Eddie was a "dreamer" who never took action to get his work in print. On occasion, my parents would jokingly convey anecdotal comments about Eddie's lack of ambition and unrealistic fantasies.

Life stories have the power to alter one's behavior. Little did I realize at the time that the narrative about Eddie would serve as a catalyst to propel my writing career.

In September of 2005, I self-published Stepping Out of the Bubble: Reflections on the Pilgrimage of Counseling Therapy (Booklocker.com). My mother carried it around in her walker, and was the best marketer a guy could have. She sold copies to whoever would listen to her spiel.

Unfortunately, over the period of several months in 2008, I lost three loved ones including my mother. Needless to say, I began to consider my mortality. I started to reflect on the urgency of life and recalled reading a quote that resonated with me. The author said, "maybe the greatest sin we can commit is being underutilized." It struck me that in response to that quote, I had a responsibility to use my talent to finish what Eddie had started - to continue to create publishable works.

In the midst of my losses, I was looking for a way to refocus my energy in a constructive fashion. A common theme began emerging in my counseling practice and I decided to explore the principles as a foundation for a new manuscript.

When people come to counseling with distressing presenting problems, they often begin revealing powerful assumptions which originate from troubled childhoods. In my experience, individuals are not aware that the unfolding of powerful, painful content from a troubled past has a direct connection to the present.

I could see this interrelationship between the past and present in those who sought my help. In response, I began to glean some insights into the question, "Why do some people navigate the perils of childhood effectively as they move into adulthood, whereas others tend to repeat the same worn-out, self-defeating behaviors?"

I discovered that adults tend to either avoid or dwell on their past without processing it. This leaves them feeling victimized and stuck and creates a pattern of self-defeating thinking and behavior in the present.

Processing problems is different. This involves the courage to squarely face issues and to comprehend the full emotional impact of an event. As children, we are often forced to make assumptions about life that are erroneous. If not rectified, these core interpretations are carried into adulthood and negatively affect our thinking and behavior.

Troubled Childhood, Triumphant Life: Healing from the Battle Scars of Youth (New Horizon Press, 2010) is a book that guides the reader in correcting negative beliefs from the past, so that bad thinking doesn't continue to be activated in the present. Since core assumptions are powerful, they involuntarily get triggered in the present without any proactive intervention to stop the process.

Troubled Childhood, Triumphant Life offers solution-focused strategies to help adults leave behind their perilous past and reframe their thinking in the search for a brighter present and future. The search for adulthood is a continuous process of learning that involves thinking and behaving more adaptively. Best wishes in your search.


James P. Krehbiel, Ed.S., LPC, CCBT is a licensed professional counselor and nationally certified cognitive-behavioral therapist practicing in Scottsdale, Arizona. He treats children and adults experiencing anxiety and depressive disorders. He can be reached at www.scottsdaletherapy.net.

Shedding Self-Doubt, Creating Confidence

After discussing the creation of clear boundaries with Mark, he responded with, "I'm confused." This reaction typifies those with self-doubt who have troubles with sorting and sifting. They don't trust their instincts to generate an empowering decision. Rather, self-doubters cling to their cocoon in an attempt to avoid the inevitability of appropriate action.

Mark’s grown children disapproved of a new, intimate relationship that was very important to him. Mark’s narrative was one of being intricately entwined with his children and ex-wife in a codependent relationship. In the midst of the mess, his children had become caretakers to their parents. In this way, they could soothe the emotional pain that all of them felt over the divorce. Neither Mark nor his ex-wife had processed their anger over parting ways and had leaned on their children as a means of coping.

Now, with the introduction of a new woman in Mark's life, the pot had been stirred. Mark, his ex-wife and kids aligned themselves against his new love and began sabotaging the relationship. Mark felt caught between the burden of his children’s feelings and his devotion to his girlfriend. The old "nuclear family" was coming apart, as everyone felt betrayed. In response, Mark's girlfriend began to experience the angst of split-loyalties and started revolting.

Indeed, Mark was confused. He felt caught, trapped in the middle of the maelstrom surrounding him. In sensory overload, he retreated inside looking for a place of solace. Instead, he began grappling with self-pity as a sense of victimization caused him to unravel within.

For the self-doubter, there is no centered-self. Mark would continue to internalize everyone's feelings but his own. He was too frightened to take responsibility for what he believed to be true, instead deferring to the needs and approval from others. Mark was too terrified to do the very thing that would have fostered freedom - that is, speak the truth about what he needed, whether his children liked it or not. It is the fear of rejection and abandonment that binds us from the liberation to love. Most people have not learned this truth, and consequently end up in a heap filled with great suffering, conflict, aloneness and self-blame. They miss out on life's precious pleasures because they fail to take the risk of loving seriously.

How do we shed our self-doubt and move in the direction of creating confidence? How do we find our loving, centered-self in the midst of troubles and conflict? Here are some conclusions that I've gleaned about this process:

• Set clearly defined boundaries with others.
• It is not "essential" to be loved and valued by all the significant people in your life.
• Learn to differentiate who you are from others. You can ask, "How to I feel? What do I feel? What is my perspective on things? What are my reactions to these events?"
• Recognize that pleasing others is a preference or choice, not an obligation.
• Prepare for a counter-reaction when you stick up for yourself. If others do not like what you express, learn to hold our ground.
• Never justify your perspective and refrain from over-explaining beliefs.
• Recognize that it is the fear of losing that binds us. People may disapprove of our truth, but generally will not abandon us.
• Individuate. In your search for adulthood, find out who you are a part from all the significant people in your life, including your parents.
• Practice choosing. Even if you make a wrong decision, you will feel empowered and primed to make a better one.
• Hurt and disappointment is inevitable. That being said, you might as well take the risk of loving - it feels better.

There is no need for Mark to continue to act confused. He doesn't need to choose between his new love and his grown children. He's needs to make clear to his children that he has entered into the new relationship chapter in his life and he's asking for their acceptance. If they can't grant it, he must make it clear he will not tolerate any self-serving, sabotaging behavior. Initially, his kids may react, but ultimately will gain respect for a father who knows what he wants and stands up for it. Gaining confidence over self-doubt is trusting our instincts to move forward toward what we need and want in spite of the fear of disapproval.