When I was a kid, my parents would tell me stories about Uncle Eddie who always wanted to be a writer. According to my mom, Eddie had created a manuscript and he would talk endlessly about its potential and his desire to get it published. However, my dad said Eddie was a "dreamer" who never took action to get his work in print. On occasion, my parents would jokingly convey anecdotal comments about Eddie's lack of ambition and unrealistic fantasies.
Life stories have the power to alter one's behavior. Little did I realize at the time that the narrative about Eddie would serve as a catalyst to propel my writing career.
In September of 2005, I self-published Stepping Out of the Bubble: Reflections on the Pilgrimage of Counseling Therapy (Booklocker.com). My mother carried it around in her walker, and was the best marketer a guy could have. She sold copies to whoever would listen to her spiel.
Unfortunately, over the period of several months in 2008, I lost three loved ones including my mother. Needless to say, I began to consider my mortality. I started to reflect on the urgency of life and recalled reading a quote that resonated with me. The author said, "maybe the greatest sin we can commit is being underutilized." It struck me that in response to that quote, I had a responsibility to use my talent to finish what Eddie had started - to continue to create publishable works.
In the midst of my losses, I was looking for a way to refocus my energy in a constructive fashion. A common theme began emerging in my counseling practice and I decided to explore the principles as a foundation for a new manuscript.
When people come to counseling with distressing presenting problems, they often begin revealing powerful assumptions which originate from troubled childhoods. In my experience, individuals are not aware that the unfolding of powerful, painful content from a troubled past has a direct connection to the present.
I could see this interrelationship between the past and present in those who sought my help. In response, I began to glean some insights into the question, "Why do some people navigate the perils of childhood effectively as they move into adulthood, whereas others tend to repeat the same worn-out, self-defeating behaviors?"
I discovered that adults tend to either avoid or dwell on their past without processing it. This leaves them feeling victimized and stuck and creates a pattern of self-defeating thinking and behavior in the present.
Processing problems is different. This involves the courage to squarely face issues and to comprehend the full emotional impact of an event. As children, we are often forced to make assumptions about life that are erroneous. If not rectified, these core interpretations are carried into adulthood and negatively affect our thinking and behavior.
Troubled Childhood, Triumphant Life: Healing from the Battle Scars of Youth (New Horizon Press, 2010) is a book that guides the reader in correcting negative beliefs from the past, so that bad thinking doesn't continue to be activated in the present. Since core assumptions are powerful, they involuntarily get triggered in the present without any proactive intervention to stop the process.
Troubled Childhood, Triumphant Life offers solution-focused strategies to help adults leave behind their perilous past and reframe their thinking in the search for a brighter present and future. The search for adulthood is a continuous process of learning that involves thinking and behaving more adaptively. Best wishes in your search.
James P. Krehbiel, Ed.S., LPC, CCBT is a licensed professional counselor and nationally certified cognitive-behavioral therapist practicing in Scottsdale, Arizona. He treats children and adults experiencing anxiety and depressive disorders. He can be reached at www.scottsdaletherapy.net.
