LET THINGS BE THE WAY THEY ARE

According to Eugene O’Kelly, author of Chasing Daylight, the most difficult task an individual can undertake is learning to live in the moment. O’Kelly should know, since his quest to manage the process of his own death from a brain tumor underscored his intense desire to learn to cherish the moment during his ordeal. Eugene’s story is an inspiration to all of us who seek to understand the practice of mindfulness, the Eastern terminology for staying in the here-and-now.

Our fast-paced lifestyle, filled with excessive activity, multiple deadlines, and over-stimulation counteracts our capacity to relax and let go. Often, we either embrace what’s in the “rear view mirror” or we anticipate the future with much trepidation. Life becomes an anxious proposition when we ruminate about the past and assume the worst about the future.

Often, people get mired in the past because they have failed to emotionally process it. Unresolved grief and psychic pain keeps us immobilized and robs us of energy for the here-and-now. A friend of mine once said, “Never live with regret.” Our past must be appropriately expressed, forgiven, and healed of the impact that it has in keeping us from moving forward with our lives. One’s past is not truly in the past if there are resentments that continue to be projected into the present. One must forgive in order to let go of any painful vestiges from our history.

Often, individuals sabotage their future goals by making erroneous assumptions that shatter confidence. People thwart their ability to make changes by using prior experience as the benchmark for making adaptations. Staying in the moment involves letting go of the past and not making faulty assumptions about the future. All we have is the present. Life is not a fixed entity; it is an ever-changing, fluid experience. We must seize the moment as well as embrace it. When we try to control life, we tend to feel out of control. We must learn to go downstream with the flow of life rather than fighting the rapids. Trying to hang onto life is like attempting to hold water in one’s hands. It is futile. One’s mantra must be, whatever is will be, whether I like it or not.

There are numerous techniques that people can try as ways of learning the practice of mindfulness. Learning them takes patience and persistence. Mindfulness is heightened awareness. For example, when showering, what are most people doing? They are thinking about the activities that will fill their day. Instead, feel the beads of water gently touching your skin. Immerse yourself in the pleasure of the moment. When drinking a hot cup of tea, feel the liquid as it touches your lips. Hold the cup in both hands to better feel the heat that is generated. Practice simple tasks every day until they become a conscious part of your experience.

Meditation is the most effective way to stay focused in the here-and-now. Meditation does not need to be complicated. It involves simple steps:
· Find a quiet place and sit in a comfortable chair with both feet on the floor.
· Work on breathing from the diaphragm (belly breathing).
· Establish a mantra, such as a number, name or religious symbol as you breathe out.
· Focus on your breathing and redirect your thinking when you tend to wander.
· You may prefer to use prerecorded CD’s or tapes that guide you through the meditative process.

The goal of meditation is to relax the mind and body. This increases awareness, energy and serenity. The most difficult task in meditation is to learn to keep one’s thoughts centered in the moment. It is our natural tendency to wander off into past and future thoughts and feelings. Meditation is both a metaphor and a catalyst for learning to live in the moment. As Eugene Kelly has taught, living in the present is a worthy goal that has the rewards of opening us all to the wonder of life through a much clearer window.


James P. Krehbiel, Ed.S., LPC is an author, freelance writer, and cognitive-behavioral therapist practicing in Scottsdale, Arizona. His personal growth book, Stepping Out of the Bubble is available at www.booklocker.com. James can be reached at www.krehbielcounseling.com.