DISCIPLINE THROUGH COACHING

Coaching our children is an important facet in the process of parenting. Coaching children consists of role-modeling and teaching proper ways of behaving. Often, we assume that our children are aware and understand what our expectations are for them. We may feel discouraged if our kids do not share their toys properly, do not smile and greet people with proper social skills, or manage their household chores. As parents, we become frustrated when our children display behaviors that demonstrate a lack of concern for others, behave impulsively, or lack personal independence.

Establishing positive and negative consequences are important to discipline, but first parents must coach their youngsters regarding the ways of handling a myriad of social behaviors, helping them to develop self-confidence and self-directed behavior. Coaching your children may involve:

• Teaching basic hygiene skills such as showing your child how to brush his teeth properly.
• Coaching your child in the skills necessary to promote playing fair with others.
• Educating your child in the use of proper social manners and etiquette.
• Coaching your child to respect and value personal property.
• Teaching your child to be sensitive to the feelings of others.
• Educating your child to support and assist children who are less fortunate.
• Teaching positive thinking and the development of positive character traits.
• Educating children to assist the family with household chores. Demonstrate to them how to do the chores satisfactorily. Allow for mistakes and re-teach.

Appropriate behaviors that children display must be “caught” and “taught” by their parents. Coaching your children in the proper ways of handling behavioral tasks is imperative. Without parental involvement in teaching your children how to manage their behavior, your discipline plan is a recipe for failure.

James P. Krehbiel is an author, contributing writer, and cognitive-behavioral therapist practicing in Scottsdale, Arizona. His book, Stepping out of the Bubble: Reflections on the Pilgrimage of Counseling Therapy is available at http://www.booklocker.com/books/2242.html. He can be reached at www.krehbielcounseling.com.

WHAT'S SUCCESS ALL ABOUT ANYWAY?

Being successful means moving on, no matter what circumstances arise. It means being a fighter, the kind of fighter that never gives up hope. We can envision what we want the future to hold. Then we must go out into the world and make it happen. Mistakes are an option, but complete failure is not. Learning from our mistakes and moving forward is productive. We need to understand that the world isn’t going to change to accommodate out self-pity. Anything we get, we must pursue with diligence. This is what persistence is all about. It is a wonderful character trait. Persistent people are continuously knocking on the door of change. They want things to be better for themselves and others. They refuse to give in to problems and difficulties that surround them. Persistence is the quality that keeps you going when you don’t feel like trying anymore. You refuse to let obstacles stand in the way of successful living.

Many people define successful living as having the right car, living in the right neighborhood, and having the right job. Success for many is defined by the amount of money one makes. Many people have had all of these things and have watched them fade away in a moments notice. What sustains you when the American dream is no longer a reality? When you are no longer around, will you be known for you professional talent? How about your ability to make a lot of money? How about the way you look? We must think about the character traits we want to leave as our legacy.

Being a successful, fully functioning individual is about being true to whom you are and letting things be the way they are. Many of us spend an inordinate amount of time trying to change our lives and reality to fit a preconceived notion that we have about life. We try to manipulate life as a way of functioning, avoiding any anguish that accompanies current awareness. By living in the rear view mirror, we cheat ourselves out of all that life has for us in the present and future. Live in the moment, let go of the past, and don’t try to anticipate the future. Move into the future with the conviction that all will work out. Your convictions will bring positive energy into the future and will help you realize your dreams. Believe that everything is possible. Nothing is out of your range of success. Your perception of events determines the kind of thinking that you will create. Reframe negative thoughts and circumstances so that things will move in a positive direction for you. Success is a choice involving your character and behavior, not a lifestyle.

James P. Krehbiel is an author, contributing writer, and cognitive-behavioral therapist practicing in Scottsdale, Arizona. He recently released a book entitled, Stepping Out of the Bubble: Reflections on the Pilgrimage of Counseling Therapy. James can be reached at http://www.krehbielcounseling.com/.py. His book is available at http://www.booklocker.com/books/2242.html.

WHEN MANAGEMENT LEADERS ACT "SMALL"

Some people lack authenticity and I refer to them as “small people.” They are difficult to deal with because they have blocked many issues about competency from awareness. They are not genuine. They tend to overcompensate by trying to act important. They tend to project a sense of shallowness rather than substance. In the corporate world, these are the leaders who like to micromanage, who use boss-management techniques, and believe in a hierarchal system of organization. They use their role to control people and events. They can be arrogant, pushy, over-controlling and detached. They tend to meet their needs by dictating to others what to do and how to do it. There is no dialogue or collaboration with employees. Small people don’t role model or lead by example. They want others to believe that they are well versed on virtually every subject and want others to comply with their demands. They are highly rigid, critical, and use coercive techniques to control employees rather than demonstrate affirmation and coaching. Generally, their employees despise them and do just enough work to get by. Their employees are passive-aggressive in the work environment and the idea of creating quality work is resisted due to frustration and anger.

Small people project their insecurities onto others. They try to make their employees feel defective, and in doing so, they attempt to elevate their own sense of self. Competent employees who demonstrate strength and experience can be intimidating to small people. In order to maintain their fragile sense of self, small people try to boost their self-esteem at the expense of others. They may attack and demean those who pose a threat to their self-image. When small people feel threatened, they become defensive and go on the attack. They will do whatever it takes to humiliate those that they perceive as threatening to them. The more resistance they perceive, the more they retaliate. Small people, with their fragile sense of self, thrive on the ability to gain power and control over those who they attempt to manage. One might call boss-management leaders compulsive bureaucrats. They are focused with issues and tasks which others would consider minutiae, and are unable to grasp a larger vision of their corporate goals.

Small people are dangerous because it is difficult to “read” them accurately. They are corporate climbers who are more interested in their own success than the betterment and well-being of those they serve. Employees generally “walk on egg shells” not wanting to make any moves that might create conflict with a boss with a fragile sense of self.


James P. Krehbiel, Ed.S., LPC, CCBT is an author, freelance writer, and cognitive-behavioral therapist practicing in Scottsdale, Arizona. He recently released, Stepping out of the Bubble: Reflections on the Pilgrimage of Counseling Therapy available at http://www.booklocker.com/books/2242.html. James can be reached through his website at www.krehbielcounseling.com.