According to a recent collaborative health officials report conducted by an Adverse Childhood Experience Team from the Center for Disease Control and Kaiser Permanente, almost 60% of American adults have been affected by troubled childhoods. Problems ranged from various forms of parental abuse and neglect.
My recent release, Troubled Childhood, Triumphant Life: Healing from the Battle Scars of Youth was written to underscore Americans’ problems associated with the impact of troubled childhoods on adult functioning. I offer solution-focused strategies, based on the principles of cognitive therapy, to assist adults in overcoming the perils of their past.
It is interesting to note that most adults affected by troubled childhoods believe that they were responsible for creating their own childhood misery. When adults feel emotionally frozen due to a history of childhood troubles, I urge them to give up the interpretation that they held any responsibility for what happened to them as children.
Kids who endure troubled childhoods tend to perform to please in order to gain the love and validation of their parents. When emotional affirmation is not forthcoming, children become disappointed and turn their anger inward, holding themselves accountable for the parent’s neglectful behavior. By owning their parents problems, kids can maintain the magical illusion that their parents behavior is adaptive, thus minimizing the pain of their dilemma.
As troubled children enter into adulthood, they typically maintain the illusion that someday their parents will morph and become the loving caregivers they've always wanted. When adults finally grasp the concept that a troubled childhood was not their fault, there is usually an emotional reaction. This realization often leads to a flood of feelings about the unfairness of what they experienced. Sadness, hurt, disappointment, loss and anger follow. As adults grieve the loss associated with a troubled childhood, they are forced to "swallow the bitter pill" and begin a process of reframing and rebuilding their life. Through learning to accept, grieve, process and release a troubled past, adults can move forward and lead a productive life by reframing the past and rationally responding to life in the present.
1 comment:
While I wasn't abused in the physical sense, I felt abused by the fact that my extended family shunned my parents because of their "unconventional" open-minded liberal views. I felt true hate as a troubled teenager, merely for being part of a family that was not prosperous.
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