THE POWER OF WORDS

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Don Ruiz, in his book called the Four Agreements, talks about the power of words. Most of us have had things said about us that were emotionally damaging. Early childhood recollections of slights and criticisms impact all of us in negative ways. We tend to vividly remember comments that were expressed in a way that made us feel small. I can still remember how embarrassed I felt when a girl I dated to the homecoming dance turned on me in front of her friends. I felt devastated. I couldn’t understand how a night I enjoyed turned out to be such a humiliating experience because of the words and body language expressed by this young girl that I was infatuated with. I never wanted to date again. Negative early recollections have a way of crystallizing and emerging as “hot buttons" later on in life.

I had a client who had a first grade teacher who was intimidating and mean. He is a sensitive guy, and the mere mention of that experience caused an emotional reaction. In fact, it was a presenting issue that we dealt with within the first several sessions. When a partner in a relationship continues to get beaten down through the use of negative communication, those words ultimately create a sense of indifference. After a period of time, the partner quits caring. One shuts down to the power of words and gives up on the relationship. The Bible says that “love covers a multitude of sins" but some words are so damaging that irreparable harm may be done. Forgiveness no longer has much meaning. Trust and respect have been broken.

Words that others communicate are either uplifting or destructive. Destructive comments are often internalized and later recycled as we repeat the intergenerational pattern of pain. It is imperative that we take responsibility for the pain of our past and commit ourselves to not re-offend at the expense of our loved ones.


James P. Krehbiel, Ed.S., LPC, CCBT is an author, freelance writer and cognitive-behavioral therapist practicing in Scottsdale, Arizona. His book, Stepping Out of the Bubble: Reflections on the Pilgrimage of Counseling Therapy is available at http://www.booklocker.com/books/2242.html. James can be reached at www.krehbielcounseling.com.